How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: 10 Ways to Respond Without Getting Stuck
We all experience unwanted or intrusive thoughts from time to time. These thoughts can be unwanted, upsetting, or disturbing. They also may seem to come out of nowhere. Intrusive thoughts are just that: thoughts. We don’t have to believe it, act upon it, or follow it.
We’ll discuss what exactly intrusive thoughts are, and ten practices you can use when they arise. Remember that the goal isn’t to eliminate all intrusive thoughts, but to learn to deal with intrusive thoughts in a way that allows us to not experience distress.
What are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts can arise as thoughts, images, urges, or mental scenarios. They are generally perceived as disturbing as they conflict with your core values. They may involve harm, sexual relationships, personal relationships, causing harm, embarrassing situations, losing control, or health. They are involuntary, arising without volition.
Why Do These Thoughts Feel So Convincing?
The brain generates these thoughts by itself, without volitional input. Because they are often uncomfortable and go against your personal morals, they can feel quite intense. This emotional intensity tricks the brain into giving them more attention. It’s fairly simple. The brain thinks these thoughts must be important due to the strong emotional and cognitive reaction.
Furthermore, trying not to think about something can actually make it more noticeable. The white bear study is a good example of this, and it has been shown repeatedly in research. Because intrusive thoughts are uncomfortable, we habitually try to push them down. This suppression rebound makes the thought stick around even more.
Are Intrusive Thoughts Normal?
Yes, intrusive thoughts are normal and not a sign of anything necessarily wrong. Having an intrusive thought is not a sure sign you have OCD, PTSD, or anything else. Yes, some mental health conditions may be associated with intrusive thoughts, but the occasional one here and there is normal. If intrusive thoughts become frequent, highly distressing, or lead to compulsions, it is time to reach out for support.
How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts
Dealing with intrusive thoughts does not mean we learn to push them away or suppress them. Instead, we have to work to change our relationship with these thoughts. With some practice, we can grow less reactive and simply allowt he thoughts to come and go.
Recognize the Intrusive Thought
Whatever technique you use to deal with intrusive thoughts, it has to start here. We must know that an intrusive thought is present in order to work with it. Rather than diving right into the content, we can egin by recognizing simply that the intrusive thought has arisen. You might just use a clearl label, such as, “There is an unwanted thought right now.”
We cannot begin to work with intrusive thoughts without first acknowledging their presence. Practice noticing when an intrusive thought is present. Over time, we can begin to know these thoughts more quickly, and catch them before they’ve carried us off into anxiety, panic, or compulsive behavior.
Don’t Try to Force the Thought Away
As we already covered, trying to suppress thoughts doesn’t work. It’s often our habit, but it isn’t one that actually serves us. You can recognize the urge to push the thought away, but don’t act on it. We don’t need the thought to disappear in order to go on with our day. If we tighten around the thought and try to force it away, it often gets more in the way of our day.
Make Space for the Discomfort
The truth is that being with an intrusive thought is going to be uncomfortable. We need to allow space for discomfort. The aversion and pushing away we experience when it comes to intrusive thoughts is often to protect us from this discomfort. By learning to allow this feeling to be present, we can reduce reactivity. Just acknowledging it is uncomfortable is a powerful practice.
Avoid Arguing with the Thought
Many people have a tendency to argue with the thought. We try to reason with it, analyze it, or tell the brain why the thought is wrong or bad. This is giving attention to the thought, and can actually strengthen it. Instead, just recognize the thought is present, that it’s uncomfortable, and how it feels to have it present. Remind yourself it’s just a thought and you don’t need to argue with it.
Bring Attention Back to the Present
Bringing the attention back to the present is a great thought redirection technique. This is simply a way to stop engaging with the intrusive thought and return to your present-time experience.There are plenty of ways to ground yourself and return to the present, but I’ll offer one of my favorites: the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. It’s fairly simple and can be repeated as many times as necessary.
Name 5 things you can see
Name 4 things you can hear
Name 3 things you can feel
Name 2 things you can smell
Name 1 thing you can taste
Notice Reassurance-Seeking and Checking
Intrusive thoughts can give rise to urges and compulsive behaviors such as reassurance-seeking and checking. This is common with experiences like retroactive jealousy. Although we may feel like these compulsive behaviors help us in the moment, they really only provide temporarily relief while feeding the cycle. Forms of this include:
Searching the thought online
Asking others repeatedly for reassurance
Testing yourself to see hwo you react
Repeatedly analyzing the thought
Engage with Self-Compassion
As mentioned, these experiences are uncomfortable. Any emotional discomfort or pain is a calling for self-compassion. Self-compassion is simply respond to pain with tenderness and presence. Instead of judging ourselves or pushing the discomfort away, we can pause and offer ourselves some self-compassion. You might offer a simple phrase in your mind, such as:
I see this discomfort
May I care for this pain
I’m sorry you’re feeling this
This can cause a powerful transformation in the way we relate to these experiences. I strongly recommend incorporating self-compassion in these moments. With continual practice, we can soften our responses to intrusive thoughts and see them with less reactivity.
Accept the Limits of Control
One aspect of intrusive thoughts that is often more difficult than we realize is the clear lack of control. We cannot control every thought we have, and intrusive thoughts show us this clearly. Despite how bad we want to not have them, they can still arise. We can meet this reality with some understanding and acceptance. We simply cannot control everything, and must accept it to soften into this truth.
Treat Thoughts as Just Thoughts
When someone else says something, we might consider whether we believe it or not. But thoughts are much more difficult to do this with. They impact us in a different way. However, thoughts are just thoughts. We can recognize them as such, and let go of the stories we create around thoughts. A thought doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, doesn’t mean you need to act upon them, and doesn’t mean you need to believe it. Just say “thank you” to the mind and let the thought be a thought.
Try Behavioral Activation
Finally, you might try a form of behavioral activation. This is a technique used in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) that can be useful. Instead of getting stuck in the thought, actually take action. Go on with your day. Act as if the thought didn’t bother you. Go on your walk, work on the project, exercise, or do whatever you need to do. Don’t deny that the thought arose, but continue with your day with the knowledge that you had an intrusive thought.
Seeking Support
If you are experiencing frequent instrusive thoughts, difficult controlling compulsions, or significant stress in your life due to these thoughts, please reach out for help. Intrusive thoughts are something worth talking about in therapy.
Our team of trained and licensed mental health professionals offer online therapy in California and other states. We have training in CBT, EMDR, Motivational Interviewing, and many more modalities. We are here to support you, or help you find the solution that fits you best.
