5 Ways to Validate Yourself, and Why It’s Important
Self-validation is a crucial aspect of mental well-being, yet it’s something many of us struggle with. We often seek approval from others to feel worthy, but are let down. Receiving validation in the form of praise or encouragement from others is helpful, but we also can benefit from learning to provide the same validation internally.
What is Self-Validation?
Before jumping into how we can learn to validate ourselves, let’s talk about what exactly self-validation is. Self-validation is not becoming full of ourselves; it’s simply seeing our strengths just as much as we see our weaknesses or flaws. When we learn to validate ourselves, we learn to provide ourselves a sense of confidence and self-worth without input from others.
Why Learning to Validate Yourself Matters
We cannot just rely on others for our sense of validation. Sometimes we will make mistakes, let others down, or just not receive validation. We’ve all worked hard at something in our lives, achieved what we set out to do, and have had it met with less enthusiasm than we were hoping. When you learn how to validate yourself, you build the internal resources to feel the sense of accomplishment and joy without needing external input.
So let’s get into the list of things you can do to validate yourself! Here are 5 tips I’ve found useful in my own life and in my practice working with clients over the years.
1. Acknowledge Your Achievements, Big and Small
It’s easy to downplay your accomplishments, especially when they don’t seem as significant as others’ achievements. However, every step forward matters. Take time to recognize what you’ve done, whether it’s completing a project at work, sticking to a new habit, or even just getting through a tough day. Write these achievements down in a journal or list them in your phone. By acknowledging your progress, you reinforce your ability to succeed.
Tip: At the end of each day, jot down three things you accomplished. This simple practice can help you see the positive impact you’re making, even when it feels minimal. I call it strength journaling. It may include small accomplishments in the form of tasks completed, or more about character qualities. For example, you may jot down that you showed patience in the face of a difficulty, you took the time to pause and care for yourself, or you were really focused at work today.
2. Embrace Your Emotions
Self-validation means accepting your emotions without judgment. Whether you’re feeling happy, sad, angry, or anxious, it’s important to recognize that all emotions are valid and present. They are a natural part of the human experience and not something to be pushed or hidden away. Instead of pushing negative emotions away or feeling guilty about them, try to understand why you feel the way you do. This can help you process emotions more effectively and prevent them from overwhelming you.
Tip: When you experience a strong emotion, take a moment to breathe deeply and ask yourself what triggered the feeling. Reflecting on your emotions can help you understand them better and respond more thoughtfully. This is where mindfulness meditation has been valuable in my own life with my difficult emotions. I’ve also seen counteless clients benefit from periods of mindfulness meditation.
3. Set Boundaries and Respect Them
One of the most empowering forms of self-validation is setting and respecting your own boundaries. This is often easier said than done, and is a lifelong practice for many of us. Boundaries protect your well-being and ensure that you’re treated with the respect you deserve. By clearly defining what is and isn’t acceptable to you, and sticking to those limits, you affirm your self-worth. This might mean saying no to extra work when you’re already overloaded or distancing yourself from relationships that drain your energy.
Tip: Start by identifying areas of your life where you feel overwhelmed or disrespected. Once you’ve set boundaries, communicate them clearly and assertively to others. Be prepared to set boundaries you intend to stand by.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
We are often our own harshest critics. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend. When you make a mistake or fall short of your expectations, instead of berating yourself, acknowledge that you’re human and that imperfection is part of life. Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring your flaws; it means accepting them without letting them define you.
Tip: The next time you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and ask, “Would I say this to a friend?” If not, reframe your thoughts to be more supportive and understanding. You may also engage in self-compassion meditation. I have included below a self-forgiveness meditation for when we make a mistake or cause harm that you might try.
5. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others!
Comparing yourself to others is a sure way to undermine your self-worth. Instead, focus on what makes you unique. Everyone has their own strengths, talents, and quirks that set them apart. Celebrate these qualities rather than wishing you were different. By appreciating your uniqueness, you validate yourself as a valuable individual with something special to offer the world.
Tip: Make a list of your unique qualities, skills, and interests. Whenever you feel the urge to compare yourself to others, revisit this list to remind yourself of your own worth.
Self-validation is an ongoing process that requires mindfulness and practice. By acknowledging your achievements, embracing your emotions, setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and celebrating your uniqueness, you can build a stronger, more resilient sense of self-worth. Remember, you don’t need external approval to feel valuable—you have the power to validate yourself.